Jesus and Pals

People often think about how jesus died, and three days later he rose and went to heaven. Thats all interesting and what not, but most people dont ever think about the guys who killed Jesus. It is said that jesus forgave them all, so they must of went to heaven. Do you realize how awkward that had to be.

Crusifier #1: oh well Mike, we are finally here, we made it to heaven

Crusifier #2: i hear ya bud, its been a long time, lot of weird stuff ya know

Crusifier#1:(interupts) ummmmm mike

Crusifier#2: I just am glad we did everything right, we sure went through alot together

Crusifier #1: Mike dude, Mike, Mike

Crusifier#2: ya know, im glad i was with you pal, ya know the whole crucifying thing, im glad we dont have to deal with that stuff anymore

Crusifier#1: Mike!

Crusifier #2: WHAT!

Crusifier #1: your not going to belive this, but look whos standing at 3:00

Crusifier #2: who is it , I cant see that far

Crusifier #1: ( stares in shock)

Crusifier #2: oh come on! just tell me who it is, i mean god , are you twelve, Jeessuuuss christ

Crusifier: #1: It sure is

Crusifier #: oh no, it cant be, but i thought he wasent the son of god, oh crap hes coming this way, oh no oh no, act cool dude act cool.

Jesus: oh , wait... it cant be, oh i dont belive it, i havent seen you guys in forever, ya know, since( acts like on the cross)

Crusifier #1: yea i know, ummm ... sorry about that

Crusifier #2: yea we dident really mean it

Jesus: oh yea, ya know what, lets just forget about the whole thing ok, its not like people will remeber you forever as the ones that killed jesus christ, son of the one and only God...Right?

Bullies

Every school has one, every school needs one, its as if schools need bullies to feel like school. Which makes me wonder, is this true?, are there bullies in every school every made? Then I thought, ofcourse. But then I began to ponder of different kinds of schools. Did you know that there are schools for gays only. That's right, a gay highschool. At first I thought great, maybe now they can escape their tortures of the everyday public highschool plague, but is there a gay bully? Does he take your juice money and then pluck your eyebrows. Does he pants you and then... Well we wont get into that. Also there are many dancing schools. Is there a dancing bully(refer to ten truths #2)? I have often wondered what it would be like to be a bully myself. Sometimes I dream about it. I think I would be called brutis. I would hold the best Indian burn on the east coast. So one day I went up to the rap punk music kinda people( they pick on a lot of kids) and below is the dialogue, I guss I just don't fit in.

hoodlum # 1: yo braw what's goin on

Me: why hey there fellas, im from the streets( newhartford ghetto?), so what are you up to today

hoodlum # 2: well we are going to jump Tony( it seems that the rap group kids are always planning to jump somebody)

hoodlum # 1: yea son, we gonna jump tony good too

Me: isn't tony a little too tall for that?

( I was then pounded to a bloody pulp)

Senior Pranks that are not good ones

Every year, it comes to that certain time in a seniors life when he and his fellow class mates have the duty and unbearable pressure of creating the ultimate senior prank. Sure there have been a few good ones, great even. But there are the ones that just don't seem to work...

1. Kidnapping The Janitor and leaving a randsom note on his mop- though it may seem like a good one, its actually illegal.

2. Trapping all the gays in the school in a closet( ironic, I know)- this is just too mean to do.

3. Kidnap lunch ladies( or as I like to call them, food distributors...Its less harsh)

Well i dont know anyother bad ones, if i get some more, ill put them up, for now thats it.

Alcoholic Neighbor

We all know someone who is drunk all the time, and cant go a day without drinking a few beers. Well one of them is my neighbor, well I know what you are saying, " Adam that is mean"( kinda weird if you were thinking that). But its true. For example, There we were, me and my sister cat( no she isn't a actual cat...Or is she?), trying to shovel the drive way after a horrible snow storm, we were cold, tired, hungry, and cold. And who comes to the rescue? No other than my alcoholic neighbor. He is all dressed in wintery clothes. Big jacket, and big winter cap which fits firmly around his head. Now IM thinking, here is a great man, comes to help a couple of kids shoveling, so then he does it, he does the drive way, but in the middle of it is where i realize that this guy isen the most sane or dependeble guys, who does need some help. He takes off his winter Hat, and what is under the hat to my amazement.........A beer can.

The ultimate Joke of all time

Why did the plane crash?


Because the pilot was a piece of wood


( Good , no, but completely random , Yes)

The Utensil , by adam scharf

( A man dressed as a spoon tells a director about his past while in an audition)

Its tough coming out of a largely succesfull character such as a spoon. In my highschool musical i played the intenst role, and maby the most magical character, of a utensil, for i was a spoon. It seems directors cant tear me away from my role, i am being typecast everywhere i go. Maby its the fact that I studied 3 months in Austria to prepare, or maby cause my sheer talent bombared the stage in a festaval of inspirational talent. The world may never know, but one things for sure, my ability to act will not be bogged down by my past roles, dont get me wrong though, i enjoyed the spoon character. It unlocked my inner spoon being. This character inspired me culturely in many ways, i wrote my first book, called, SPOON OF A LIFE TIME, and a musical album named, SPOON COMES ALIVE, I also had taught many yoga classes, in hopes that one day the rest of the world will unlock their inner spoon as well. So as you can see , i am the perfect man for your play.

Director: yea thankyou, well keep in touch

For whenever you look at a spoon, think of me, for i graced the stage as a magical metal object singing and dancing once, simple as that, but now i am famous, and i will be a big draw in to the show.

Family Pets

Never really had the traditional family pets growing up, like a dog, cat, elephant. Instead we had some fishes, lobster and rabbits. I was scared to death of the lobster, I was sure it was playing with my toys when I went to school.( I came to this conclusion as when I drove away on the bus the lobster waved to me from my room) The rabbits were another thing, the two rabbits we had were fun at first, they were to healthy male rabbits, until they turned gay. ( I came to this conclusion when I went to feed them and one was in a cop outfit, the other as a construction worker) Ofcourse we all had absurd ideas for pets when we were little, a lizard, or a dragon, hahhahah that's just silly, a lizard, I mean honestly.

Sports according to Adam

Sports, a funny thing when I was younger, I used to love them, now I dont like them that much, why? well first off theres basketball. The only game my dad ever came to, (he gets out of work even) and i screw it up. There i was, on the court. The ball is passed to me, i shoot( underhand) towards the basket, it goes in.( secret rule about basketball that they dont tell you, when you make a basket you have to act cool, as if you knew it was going to go in, and you dont care that you scored) As i saw that ball go in, i was amazed, shocked even. So i screamed, " yayyy, yes, i did it, alright( thumbs up), that was for you dad, ( point to dad). As i celebrate a fellow teamate comes up to me and says this.

Teamate: uhhh adam

Me: yea, i did it i know arent you proud( smiling like a idiot)

Teamate: no, it was the wrong basket

Me: what

As i look up to my dad, every one is sitting down except him, just him standing up, looking at me.( some of that is fictional, but it sounds good) so my basket ball days were over, now baseball, a diferent animal, i am proud to say i only hit 3 balls i think( no it wasent tee ball). Then theres soccer, I was a sharp shooter, ( the only goal i made was when the goalie tripped and it went it)
well thats how sports turned sour, so now i am trying new ones, Track

The Ten Truths I Have realized about Highschool

1. School is full of clicks

2. when you are in a school yard fight, you cant dance like in west side story( found out the hard way)

3. girls only date jocks

4.Theres always that one kid who has beard( i want that)

5.there will always be a girl who comes in to school and tells how drunk she got

6.Fat kids will always be the first out in dodge ball( its mean i know)

7. Armadillos are not allowed in school

8. Gays are always picked on( when will men be able to wax their eyebrows in peace?)

9. Kids will try to make themselves look as ugly as possible to be rebelious( i tried this once, apparently washable tat toos are not in)

10. steroids are necesary to do well in varsity( May i recomend Flintstones vitamins)

American Poetry

aint straight I'm livin where its hot and sandyAnd the Benz's complexion is cotton candyI bounced up, thats the best partYou niggas don't know what pain isThe only scar on ya body's a stretch mark
-fitty cent, a true american poet, this is the poetry that makes grown men weep

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Kids taking test

I have realized something, there is always a kid in school, who when he is done with a test, makes a point of telling everyone, he usually slams his pencil on the desk and goes, " hey im done", and then he goes up to the teacher and says, "hey where do i put it, cause im done", but he knows where to put it.............Random thought i guss.