Robert Flashery has just been told he has 13 days to live...

How can this be, I was perfectly healthy, I was happy, I was living life to the fullest. Now im doomed, my life will come to an end in 13 days. I don’t deserve it, I have been good person. Although there was a phase in my youth in which I use to break into peoples houses and change their bed sheets when they where sleeping. I like to think I’ve treated people with ease, and kindness, I’ve been extremely patient as well. Others have also treated me well, showing me kindness, and pleasant conversations. There was a time however when I woke up to find my favorite lawn gnome gone and replaced with and old Native American. I must speak to god.

Robert: Hello god, are you there?

God: No.

I don’t deserve this, I am a good person, I wonder what death is like? My friend was once in a car accident, he says he died for a few seconds then came back to life. He told me Heaven was great, however there was a unfortunate shortage of measuring cups. I don’t want to die of an illness, I want to go like one of the greats. My friend Albert, he died last year in his kitchen. He accidently put rat poison in his chili. I will never forget his last words when he looked up at me and whispered , " I never liked the cabinet space". I just hope when I die, it will be quick, and painless, Im sure its awkward having long deaths, such as a quick sand encounter. I hope there is a god, I grew up catholic, and I always use to believe in it. The local priest once told me if I did not believe in god I would be banished to hell and restricted from having Missouri citizenship.
Once the doctor told me this tragic news, I started to think of all the things I have yet to accomplish in my life. I’ve always wanted to sky dive, oh, and I’ve always wanted to go on a real romantic date. For instance take a beautiful women to a great little ethnic restaurant, the only ethnic place I’ve ever been to was tragic. For the main course, they served Viking. I’ve often thought about inventing something, something that would change the course of man. Such as a machine that could calibrate, the exact moment the world would end. For my first grade science project the only invention I could come up with was an gasoline powered utensil which accidently attacked my science teacher. Leaving her with no fine motor skills, and the surprising ability to fold her tongue like a clover. She then was married to a baseball player she met in a bar who was so impressed with her ability, that he was going to ask her for her hand in marriage. Unfortunately the baseball player tried to be creative and pitch the ring too her while saying, " This aint no curve ball baby", and due to her poor motor skills could not catch the ring and was blinded in one eye.
I guess ill never be able to meet the president, or meet an established war veteran. The only unique person I ever met was apart of an odd gamma ray incident, in which his hair was left half curly, and half sour cream. I guess life is just too strange to not enjoy, so I will just have to suck it up, and die peacefully. Good bye cruel world, this is Robert Flashery, wishing all a good day, and good night.