Breaking News

There was a bank Robbery on 45th avenue today, near the shopping plaza. A man by the name of Sherman Oliver strolled into First Source Bank and politely gave the clerk a piece of paper. The clerk said the paper was written in Spanish, she had took a little bit in highschool so she came to the conclusion that it said, ", This is a Stick up", but she wasn’t sure. So she called over a Spanish Clerk. He read the piece of paper and determined it was upside down. When turned to its proper reading viewing point it did say this is a stick up, and the two had a brief chuckle.

Sherman apparently became frustrated at went crazy, I as a good reporter I did a brief research on this thief. Sherman was not an ordinary man, for Sherman Oliver was an inspiring writer. He slaved over his type writer to compose brilliant work. Sherman walked into an talent agency hoping that he would score a deal for his writings. The talent agent glanced at the sheet and stated, " your never going to make it kid", and slowly ate the piece of paper. Down on life he turned to a life of crime. His first robbery was the circus, he tried to rob a group of ventriloquist but ran away in confusion from not knowing which one was actually talking. Apparently he just kept robbing places from there, including the one today. The robbery today was a brutal one, he took off with $4900 in cold cash. One eye witness said, " I felt as if my life flashed before my eyes". Another witness said, " It was horrible, just horrible", and another witness said, " I wear panties".

Family members said that Sherman was robbing for his lover, Anna Clary. " I just love her mom, I was about to beat her unconscious when she gave me a dirty look, but then she told me her stomach doesnt produce bile, and I just knew she was the one", Sherman said.
Sherman is said to be wearing a Pauley Shore costume In hopes of not ever being noticed again, When asked for comment Pauley Shore stated, " I wear panties", and ran off screaming the shadow people are crazy. Some speculate Sherman will go on a vacation, some say he will break in the bank and put it back and leave a note that said, " Whoops". Who knows what this man will do, but I have found a bit of his memoirs to share with you.

" My childhood was normal, and very fruitful. I never really enjoyed education, I tried to be home schooled for college but wasn’t accepted. My father pushed me into athletics, he said that he wanted me to be an Olympic swimmer, I never really caught on to the sport. It was not that I hated swimming, I loved to go swimming, I just don’t like getting in the water. My father also never supported my writing career. I handed him my first play, Midsummer Nights Wet Dream, he scoffed at my writing and told me I was a bum and began to slowly eat the piece of paper".

Sherman is still on the loose, and the police are asking for all to stay in doors, he could be armed and dangerous, Police say he might be carrying a Herbal Essences shampoo bottle around, and we all know how bad that can sting if it gets in your eyes.
That is the breaking news today, thank you for watching, this is Debra Norisberg, stay tuned for the news at 11:00.