The True Adventures Of Lewis And Clark

Lewis and Clark where riding through a deadly desert. Lewis was sitting on the other side of the wagon, for Clark had a terrible cold which caused him to loose control of his right arm. As the wagon traveled it rocked and jumped. Eventually the sand became too deep, and the wagon could go no further. They continued their expedition on foot, both felt the staggering presence of paranoia, for they knew they where being followed. Being followed by a man named koobawa, who had a passion for Gazebos. They first saw Koobawa when they came across his tribe of cannibals. They managed to escape by Tip Toeing away while singing Desperado. This was better then the last time they had to escape, in which Clark dressed as a tree. It took longer for him to escape for the Tribe liked the tree so much they used it as a Christmas tree. Luckily they weren’t like those people who take down the tree in July, it was shortly taken down in January. Clark had not been recognized, it was suspicious however when there was a party and the tree flirted with some of the females. The Tree was soon arrested for sexual harassment, he was released shortly on good behavior. When he returned to the tribe as a tree they all welcomed him, and one of the females fell in love with the tree and they soon became married. After their second child Clark revealed to her that he was not a tree and left.

Koobawa was following them because he knew that they where going to see if spirits where still in the tomb of Derrick. Lewis and Clark took a break from walking and sat on a log. Lewis was becoming hot, the sun was blazing and it didn’t help that there was a small Korean man sitting on his lap. He quickly shooed him away and took a swig of water. " Im so hungry", said Clark. Clark then gazed at Lewis, who suddenly turned into a drum stick in Clark’s mind. Then Lewis gazed at Clark and he turned into a piece of bacon. Then Koowaba gazed at Lewis, but he turned into nothing cause Koowba is a Cannibal, and that my friends is terrible imagery. Clark soon came to wonder why there was a log in the middle of the dessert. " WAIT, I know, this log is a marker, we must be getting close to the tomb". " Finally, we are going to see if spirits still roam the Tomb of Derrick, then we can report it to the president, and he can be happy and not pay us enough". "Exactly", Lewis said proudly.

On they traveled, deep into the night, and far into the morning. They came up to a big rock which had a large Neon sign that said Derricks Tomb. " This must be it Clark". " My God, it is, it really is". " Lets knock on this door". Lewis then gave a large pound on the door. " Who be there?" said a deep voice. "It is Lewis and Clark". " And Koowaba", he whispers from behind a cactus. " For we are the great explorers of the Louisiana Purchase". The door slowly opened to reveal a small women with a mustache and a mullet that kind of looked like the one that John Stamos had in the first season of Full house, but not really.

" This way, we have been expecting you". They slowly crept down a dark corridor which was dimly lit by George Formen grills. They came up to a room, they entered cautiously and sat down in the chairs. For there was not enough chairs for everyone, a brief game of musical chairs soon began. Clark lost, but soon claimed that Koowaba was cheating, he brought up a good point and he got the chair. All the lights in the room shut off quickly and a cool breeze swept the room. A large Spirit soon floated down in front of them. " I am the ghost of Derrick, and this is my tomb. You have already met one of my spirits, the really ugly women, and here is Sean. Sean is a very old spirit who had a hard time adapting from making candles flicker to turning off light switches really fast when electricity was invented. How do you like this"? All of a sudden chains grabbed old of the boys and they where all trapped, water slowly began to leak in. " OH no, what are we going to do"? Said Clark. " Just stay calm, we just have to think". " Great just great, I start to follow you thinking you are great explorers, and look at the mess you have gotten ourselves into". Koowaba screamed. " Stop, Just stop it, we have to think, we still have time to get out of this, just think"! The boys thought long and hard, then Koowaba had a question. " Hey, what ever happened to that Sakajeweya women?" " Well Clark over here kept calling her sack of shit, she eventually got sick of it, and after he said it again she slowly tip toed away while saying the pledge of allegiance". Lewis then starred at Clark, who then stared at Lewis, Koowaba starred at Clark. Then Clark starred at Koowaba. Then Lewis starred at Koowaba, so Koowaba starred at him. " Look! There is a key over there, well at least I think it is, do you see that rock over there, I think it has a key sticking out of it. I think it is, Clark you are the closest, grab it with your feet". " Which rock"? Says Clark. " The one that kind of looks like Donnie Wahlberg". The water now up to their knees and still flowing. Clark gets a hold of the rock with his feat. " You know I don’t like Donnie Wahlberg". " Really"?, said Koowaba. " Yeah, I really don’t like him". The giant spirit soon appeared. " Not like Donnie Wahlberg, how can you not like Donny Wahlberg", Bellowed the spirit in a deep voice. " I don’t know I just don’t, I mean he just does not seem like a proper entertainer". The spirit spoke once again, " But come on, its Marky Mark". The water now up to their belly buttons, and Koowba’s third nipple, Clark needed to move fast.

Clark unlocked himself, then Lewis, and then Koowaba. " Alright Lewis we need to get out of here fast". " Not so fast boys you are not going to go anywhere cause you are going to live with me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and you are going to be happy and you will enjoy your stay here cause I will make you enjoy it ( Run on sentence). Lewis and Clark seemed to be in a terrible jam, for they where now trapped in the Tomb, with a very large spirit, a really ugly women, a canabal, and ghost named Sean who was now enjoying a roast beef sandwich.

Koowaba then screamed, " We are trapped, we are never going to get out of here". The spirit looked at them and started to do a evil laugh, he then began to choke, then resumed the evil laugh. " You will never get out of here!" Soon the chains where back on them, and water once again began to flow in. It would seem as if now the boys where going to die with a cannibal, a ugly women, a big spirit, and a ghost named Sean who was now clipping his toe nails.

Suddenly a large explosion rang through the tomb. "What was that!", screamed the spirit of Derrick. " Hello my friends". For it was Sakajeweya, here to save the day. " Sack of shit, nice to see you". She then slowly walked away. " NO, he is kidding, come back". She then came back, and carried the three men all at once out of the tomb. She stayed behind and taught the spirits how to grow really large pieces of corn.

For another day had passed, and Lewis and Clark could now carry on their adventure. " Hey Lewis, can you believe we got out of this one", said Clark. " It was hard, but we sure had an adventure though right buddy". " We sure did Lewis, we sure did". Then all of a sudden a spirit figure approached and yelled, " Im going to eat you all, you cant escape". " OH no, you stay away", screamed Clark. Then the spirit took of the white sheet to reveal Koowaba. "Gotcha". All the boys laughed, " OH Koowaba, you silly cannibal", he was immediately stabbed. The boys then rode off into the sunset, once again no one sitting next to Clark for he had a new cold in which he could not control the movement of his ears.