My Failures

The failures in my life are staggering, releasing humiliation on a twisted soul, gathering up velocity to go right to my heart, and break me down, for now I think it is a right for the public to know, I am not the Man they think I am, and yes, I said Man, and I capatilized it too. So below are the failures that are masked by my good looks, charming personality, and good muscles...

I had dreams, Dreams of becoming a great Mayor, but apparently no one liked my plan to enslave Mimes.

I had dreams of finding love, but everytime a girl would lean in to kiss me I would say," oh my gosh, its actually happening, this is it, oh my, shes actually going to kiss me", and she dident like that much.

I wanted to fight crime, but stopped after my side kick was eaten by a goat.

I played basket ball for a while, but the team kicked me off due to everytime I scored a basket I would smile(Apparently you cant do that in basketball)

I was hired as a stripper at a local club, they fired me when I was with a girl( At least I hope it was a girl), apparently the lady I was talking dirty to dident like me saying," oh yea, I am sexy, oh yea im sexy.....ok not sexy, but im attractive, yea im attractive.....ok im not, but im good looking, oh yea, good looking all the way, ........well im not that either, im hansome oh yea, ok no, no, im cute, no wait im im, hey where are you going?

I was a Forest guide once, I was fired for Riding a deer to work.

I was in a rock group for a while, but the group kicked me out because I kept trying to break my guitar for 36 minutes strait( it just wouldent break)

I even tried to be a Vampire once but Misktakenly kept bitting other Vampires

I had a pet dog for a while, it was eaten by the same goat

As you can see, my life is not what seems, drenched in sorrow, and pain, Plagued by Failures, so I am not the perfect Man( yes man) you see before you, or the Young chap who enjoys a round of golf and furry socks, no sir, I am human, and only human, now that I have taken of the mask, I have some simple request of my own.
1. Gay people, stop parading, we get it already
2. Black people, pull up your damn pants
3. People who live in tornado alley, I just want you to know that I dont feel bad for you, just leave already

Thank you for your time