Henry David Thoreaus Walden, The Missing Chapter

Recently historians have found the missing chapter to Thoreaus classic, Walden...

As I sat in my small cabin I reflect of my times in these woods. It has been long and hard living on my own, but for the most part it has been most amusing. Often I awake with the sun greeting my face, or a young moose singing Tangerine. Flowers bloom, birds sing, and a deer gracefully comes in my room and stands there. For a deer is only capable of prancing and the room was far too small for such business. I send my parents a letter today, in which I explained that I have no wishes to see them, " Please leave a sandwich under the Towns golden bell, and if there is not a golden bell, please persuade the town to build one". After the letter I took a swim in the pond, when I went to dry off I realized my clothes where indeed missing again. These thieves seem to attack in the night, for today I woke up with my stove missing, my gardened ruined, and my bed sheets changed. I fear that they will attack again, I will take them hostage, but I wont be fooled like last time. When they told me that they where going for a car ride but there wasn’t enough seat belts for everyone. My loneliness has ceased to exist this week, at times however It has been very difficult. I had one visitor who was lost in the woods, I asked him if he needed a place to stay, he shook his head no while continuously saying yes, I became so confused I began to hemorrhage. I miss the contact of people, but I am grateful for my time with myself. I have come up with many new philosophies, for instance, why do we have more than one room in our house, when we can only be in one room at a time. Also, why do radio DJ’s sometime say the artist name before the song, when we all prefer it after. I explained my theory to a wandering traveler who responded by staring at me for 47 minutes. The night grows long in the summer, the stars shimmer and flirt with my wandering eye. The moon seduces the romantic, the breeze cools the gentle beast, and the citrus of the orange burns my left eye resulting in faulty depth perception which becomes apparent when handing out communion at church. I think of child birth today, how wonderful it would be to someday have a child of my own, certainly not in these conditions. For a child must be developed in society, for I am afraid he would be lost. It seems we need others to define who we truly are, also who would tell him his blinker is still on while driving. Suddenly a thought did come to me, a startling thought that has awoken new inspiration. What if there is no beginning to life, what if we just are. What if there was no beginning to the world, we just think there was. Does that mean there will be no end? What if we don’t really die, if that is the case then I am invincible. No god can punish me, no man can wound me. I truly am invincible, and I also am really rubber, and you are really glue, and whatever you throw bounces off me and sticks to you. But that would mean we all are invincible sense we are all here, so you are rubber as well, so whatever you throw at me bounces off me and then bounces off you, and we just keep going back and forth until someone really is glue, then they would take whatever you throw, it would stick to them, then they would realize they too are invincible and become rubber, but if we all are rubber then we would all just keep bouncing. On the plus side however the practice of safe sex would increase. But that could lead to a severe decrease in the population then there will be no more children. So you know what, forget I even mentioned it. I realized today that when I live on my own I am a great king of my domain, I rule all I see. I am fair and kind, yet rule with an iron fist. Much like the great kings of our day such as King Henry 3rd, or king Louie, certainly not King Marlo, he ruled with an iron fist but his servants often took his favorite seat at the dinner table. Life sure does present troubles, most of which are created from society, perhaps society is not so bad, for we are conditioned from it. Tomorrow I will consider the possibility of moving back, also I still need a sandwich.

Robert Flashery has just been told he has 13 days to live...

How can this be, I was perfectly healthy, I was happy, I was living life to the fullest. Now im doomed, my life will come to an end in 13 days. I don’t deserve it, I have been good person. Although there was a phase in my youth in which I use to break into peoples houses and change their bed sheets when they where sleeping. I like to think I’ve treated people with ease, and kindness, I’ve been extremely patient as well. Others have also treated me well, showing me kindness, and pleasant conversations. There was a time however when I woke up to find my favorite lawn gnome gone and replaced with and old Native American. I must speak to god.

Robert: Hello god, are you there?

God: No.

I don’t deserve this, I am a good person, I wonder what death is like? My friend was once in a car accident, he says he died for a few seconds then came back to life. He told me Heaven was great, however there was a unfortunate shortage of measuring cups. I don’t want to die of an illness, I want to go like one of the greats. My friend Albert, he died last year in his kitchen. He accidently put rat poison in his chili. I will never forget his last words when he looked up at me and whispered , " I never liked the cabinet space". I just hope when I die, it will be quick, and painless, Im sure its awkward having long deaths, such as a quick sand encounter. I hope there is a god, I grew up catholic, and I always use to believe in it. The local priest once told me if I did not believe in god I would be banished to hell and restricted from having Missouri citizenship.
Once the doctor told me this tragic news, I started to think of all the things I have yet to accomplish in my life. I’ve always wanted to sky dive, oh, and I’ve always wanted to go on a real romantic date. For instance take a beautiful women to a great little ethnic restaurant, the only ethnic place I’ve ever been to was tragic. For the main course, they served Viking. I’ve often thought about inventing something, something that would change the course of man. Such as a machine that could calibrate, the exact moment the world would end. For my first grade science project the only invention I could come up with was an gasoline powered utensil which accidently attacked my science teacher. Leaving her with no fine motor skills, and the surprising ability to fold her tongue like a clover. She then was married to a baseball player she met in a bar who was so impressed with her ability, that he was going to ask her for her hand in marriage. Unfortunately the baseball player tried to be creative and pitch the ring too her while saying, " This aint no curve ball baby", and due to her poor motor skills could not catch the ring and was blinded in one eye.
I guess ill never be able to meet the president, or meet an established war veteran. The only unique person I ever met was apart of an odd gamma ray incident, in which his hair was left half curly, and half sour cream. I guess life is just too strange to not enjoy, so I will just have to suck it up, and die peacefully. Good bye cruel world, this is Robert Flashery, wishing all a good day, and good night.